I have a quiet moment, so I thought I'd write a little. I know for most of us, finding this quite moment is difficult. We have so many things tugging at our time. For me it is a job that is emotionally taxing, teenagers, my wife, the day to day things that need to be done, and it seems there is never time for anything else. Not all things that tug on us are negative, take my wife and girls, I love them with all my heart and all I do is to spend time with them. To provide for them. To be as present for them as possible. But it all adds up and the moments of quiet are few and far between.
Things have been going well. I have been doing a "boot camp" with my girls several mornings per week and have started walking. My weight is going down and I feel bubbly, joyful, and happy. Everything makes my heart sing. I am mushy and wearing my heart on my sleeve. My love for everyone I meet wants to burst out of my chest.
Yet, I know as well as I am feeling right now, that there will be a down time. I've been thinking about something that one of my doctors has said on multiple occasions: We are not promised an easy life. Our culture idolizes a life of happiness, stability, and no strife; but life is messy, gritty, and dirty at times. Yes, we want an easy life, but I have yet to find someone who has that at all times.
Our life is what we make of it through our choices. In our church we call this freedom of choice, Agency. Every choice we make has consequences whether positive or negative. Hanging on to ideals that can't be met is also a choice. This choice can lead to a disillusionment with life and lead to a feeling of being trapped.
We have all heard that we have to make our own happiness, but it seems that it can be so difficult to pull ourselves out of our rut, our habits, to make that choice to make yourself happy. I speak for experience. As recently as a few months ago my mantra is I don't want to life anymore. This is not a suicidal thought, but one of being weary from all life has thrown at me. I look at the fact that I am only 47, have a lot of life ahead of me and I was tired.
Our church focuses on the joy that life can have but acknowledges that life is rough and it is easy for us humans to get bogged down. Even with the teachings of our church, I was struggling. I have always put my trust in God, but I still would have difficult times. What that trust does for me is reminding me that life is always changing and that I am not truly stuck.
I received a swift kick in the butt from a friend of mine, and started moving again. I've been walking and doing a modified "boot camp" with the girls. I'm loosing weight, and my appetite has changed. I am eating healthier and living by the doctrine of the church...as much as I can. I love my family and acknowledge that each of us is a child of God. My outlook has changed and I am seeing the joy in life again. I am feeling accomplished and not quite as rundown.
We were never promised an easy life. Our moments may be few and far between, but let's celebrate those joyful, happy, full of love moments that we are granted. The more joyful we are, the more frequently these moments happen. I encourage you to make the choice of happiness, of acknowledging the messy, grittiness of life. I encourage you to find your moments and relish the blissfulness that it brings.
Blessings!
Saturday, July 22, 2017
Saturday, March 25, 2017
Holes and Hope
It has been a long month. My twin daughters turned 13. I am so proud of them. Them turning 13 has been a bit emotional for me. I love my children and look forward to continuing to watch them grow, but I know as they become more independent that I have to let go and allow them to blossom and come into their own.
All of this has brought up how everyone is struggling with something. Even with the struggle we come out the other side, hopefully having improved ourselves and learned a lesson, but life continues on regardless.
Each of our struggles can leave a hole in our lives/hearts/souls. These holes can consume us and lead us to even more struggles. These holes can also lead to hope. Providing us with the opportunity to grow, improve ourselves, and grow closer to whatever higher power one believes in.
Given my belief in Christ and Heavenly Father, I see my holes being filled with the light of the Atonement of Christ. Like ancient Japanese pottery, my cracks are filled with gold, in the form of the light of Christ. This doesn't mean I don't struggle. I struggle on a daily basis with depression; with the feeling that I can be consumed. I rely on my spirituality and beliefs to help me get through.
Hope keeps us moving forward. Through grace, we have the chance to become more than we are. Through adversity we have the potential to find hope. By being in the world vs of the world, we have the ability to see outside of our selves and outside of our culture. We can see the holes and find ways to fill them with hope and love. By leaving our holes in secrecy we do harm to ourselves and others. The only way to heal the holes is by love and hope, and for me, the light of Christ.
Bad things happen and life goes on. Perspective helps us continue with life. There is a song by Passenger where a woman w/ 4 kids has her husband leave her and the wolf is knocking on her door. She changes her perspective, and says the wolf's just a puppy and the door's double locked, so what you gotta worry me for? With this perspective, the woman finds a way to keep going and move beyond the pain, beyond the heartache, and focus on what she needs to do for hope.
We all have holes, an we all have the opportunity for hope. Let's use that hope to love one another and build each other up. Let's lessen the effect of other people's holes by loving unconditionally. AT a minimum, treat each other with respect.
As an LDS believer, we believe in the Atonement of Christ. We believe that Christ fulfilled the ancient covenants and brought forth new covenants of loving one another and Christ has loved us. Atonement is and action, both have to participate in Atonement. Forgiveness is passive, no participation is required. Through the Atonement, I find hope and love. Good works are nothing if it isn't done with love. It is this love that keeps me going. Knowing I am a Daughter of God, someone who is loved and loveable. I know that I have the capacity to love as Christ did, he has said so.
So let's love one another. Help each other find hope. Let's build each other up. Let's fill our holes with hope an light.
Blessings to you all!Holes by Passenger
All of this has brought up how everyone is struggling with something. Even with the struggle we come out the other side, hopefully having improved ourselves and learned a lesson, but life continues on regardless.
Each of our struggles can leave a hole in our lives/hearts/souls. These holes can consume us and lead us to even more struggles. These holes can also lead to hope. Providing us with the opportunity to grow, improve ourselves, and grow closer to whatever higher power one believes in.
Given my belief in Christ and Heavenly Father, I see my holes being filled with the light of the Atonement of Christ. Like ancient Japanese pottery, my cracks are filled with gold, in the form of the light of Christ. This doesn't mean I don't struggle. I struggle on a daily basis with depression; with the feeling that I can be consumed. I rely on my spirituality and beliefs to help me get through.
Hope keeps us moving forward. Through grace, we have the chance to become more than we are. Through adversity we have the potential to find hope. By being in the world vs of the world, we have the ability to see outside of our selves and outside of our culture. We can see the holes and find ways to fill them with hope and love. By leaving our holes in secrecy we do harm to ourselves and others. The only way to heal the holes is by love and hope, and for me, the light of Christ.
Bad things happen and life goes on. Perspective helps us continue with life. There is a song by Passenger where a woman w/ 4 kids has her husband leave her and the wolf is knocking on her door. She changes her perspective, and says the wolf's just a puppy and the door's double locked, so what you gotta worry me for? With this perspective, the woman finds a way to keep going and move beyond the pain, beyond the heartache, and focus on what she needs to do for hope.
We all have holes, an we all have the opportunity for hope. Let's use that hope to love one another and build each other up. Let's lessen the effect of other people's holes by loving unconditionally. AT a minimum, treat each other with respect.
As an LDS believer, we believe in the Atonement of Christ. We believe that Christ fulfilled the ancient covenants and brought forth new covenants of loving one another and Christ has loved us. Atonement is and action, both have to participate in Atonement. Forgiveness is passive, no participation is required. Through the Atonement, I find hope and love. Good works are nothing if it isn't done with love. It is this love that keeps me going. Knowing I am a Daughter of God, someone who is loved and loveable. I know that I have the capacity to love as Christ did, he has said so.
So let's love one another. Help each other find hope. Let's build each other up. Let's fill our holes with hope an light.
Blessings to you all!Holes by Passenger
Sunday, February 12, 2017
Men Deserve Respect Too/ warning some language
I received a message from someone I consider a good friend asking what about the men who hear grab them by the balls. My first reaction was, of course that isn't acceptable, no one should be spoken to or about like that. Men deserve respect too.
There is the part of me that then reacted, but men get the privileges that women don't. It doesn't make it right, but it does give guys a little bit of insight what it is like to be a woman in today's society. Maybe if men experienced what it is like to be a woman, they might change the way the treat women; there might be more respect for women. That the unwanted sexual advances would stop. That women wouldn't be seen as objects. There was a scene in The Fall where Gillian Anderson confronts this: Man F*%ks woman, man subject/ woman object, Woman F*&ks man, woman subject/man object is not comfortable for men. Men are not used to being objects.
Now this does not excuse behavior like saying grab them by the balls. Again, that is never acceptable behavior. In fact, as I think about it, we as a society have turned some of the tables over on our men. Even back in the 80's I remember my Dad remarking on how our media was demasculizing men. Now I have to admit, most men are 2 dimensional to me. I am a strong intuitive, and I don't sense a lot for men. Add to this that my Father is not a masculine man and I have not been exposed to a lot of other men. I have a sister, my own family is all women, so I am far from an expert on this subject. Yet, if women want to be equal with men, then we don't need to tear them down or expect them to be something different, we need to rise above and be that example of respect and kind treatment.
We have torn down the masculine male, saying that we want a man that can show emotions. Some how this has given way to the idea that being masculine and showing emotions cannot go together. I don't know, but I suspect that men can be both. Taking away their masculinity has left men confused about how to approach women and what women really are looking for in a mate. It used to be a caretaker, bread winner, a protector. In today's society, women can be the bread winner and there are usually aren't physical threats that men need to protect their family from. So where does this leave our men? How do they impress the women they want to get to know?
We have to help our men find their masculinity in this society. This is a new role that the first generation that needed to deal with it is now middle aged. Women are mothers, wives, in the work force, and there is even a word for this, Superwoman syndrome. How can men compete with this? How can we help our men find their new station in our society? First, treat everyone with respect. Don't make derogatory comments about their manhood or masculinity. Be supportive of who they are. Acknowledge that men are different and celebrate this difference. This isn't a competition, it is a partnership that we all have our roles. Support each other, build each other up. As a society, one gender doesn't need to dominate the other. Where are the shows where men and women work together and celebrate each person's individual talents? Men tend to be the butt of the jokes. That isn't acceptable.
To put it simply, we all have our place. For our men, that place has been a moving target for the last several decades. We as women need to support the new order of men in our society. We need to build a society where we all respect each other, stop the unwanted sexual advances, and celebrate or individual strengths. Men deserve respect too.
There is the part of me that then reacted, but men get the privileges that women don't. It doesn't make it right, but it does give guys a little bit of insight what it is like to be a woman in today's society. Maybe if men experienced what it is like to be a woman, they might change the way the treat women; there might be more respect for women. That the unwanted sexual advances would stop. That women wouldn't be seen as objects. There was a scene in The Fall where Gillian Anderson confronts this: Man F*%ks woman, man subject/ woman object, Woman F*&ks man, woman subject/man object is not comfortable for men. Men are not used to being objects.
Now this does not excuse behavior like saying grab them by the balls. Again, that is never acceptable behavior. In fact, as I think about it, we as a society have turned some of the tables over on our men. Even back in the 80's I remember my Dad remarking on how our media was demasculizing men. Now I have to admit, most men are 2 dimensional to me. I am a strong intuitive, and I don't sense a lot for men. Add to this that my Father is not a masculine man and I have not been exposed to a lot of other men. I have a sister, my own family is all women, so I am far from an expert on this subject. Yet, if women want to be equal with men, then we don't need to tear them down or expect them to be something different, we need to rise above and be that example of respect and kind treatment.
We have torn down the masculine male, saying that we want a man that can show emotions. Some how this has given way to the idea that being masculine and showing emotions cannot go together. I don't know, but I suspect that men can be both. Taking away their masculinity has left men confused about how to approach women and what women really are looking for in a mate. It used to be a caretaker, bread winner, a protector. In today's society, women can be the bread winner and there are usually aren't physical threats that men need to protect their family from. So where does this leave our men? How do they impress the women they want to get to know?
We have to help our men find their masculinity in this society. This is a new role that the first generation that needed to deal with it is now middle aged. Women are mothers, wives, in the work force, and there is even a word for this, Superwoman syndrome. How can men compete with this? How can we help our men find their new station in our society? First, treat everyone with respect. Don't make derogatory comments about their manhood or masculinity. Be supportive of who they are. Acknowledge that men are different and celebrate this difference. This isn't a competition, it is a partnership that we all have our roles. Support each other, build each other up. As a society, one gender doesn't need to dominate the other. Where are the shows where men and women work together and celebrate each person's individual talents? Men tend to be the butt of the jokes. That isn't acceptable.
To put it simply, we all have our place. For our men, that place has been a moving target for the last several decades. We as women need to support the new order of men in our society. We need to build a society where we all respect each other, stop the unwanted sexual advances, and celebrate or individual strengths. Men deserve respect too.
Saturday, February 4, 2017
Warrior Women
Hello Friends! As the name of this blog states, these are the musings that happen in my heart and head. Some of this is to help me clarify things as I move through life. In the last year, it has been brought back to the forefront that women are still not compensated equally as women. There are men who still see women as objects or property; playthings here only for their desires. As our POTUS said, "grab them by the pussy." What gives anyone the right to touch another person without their permission? How can another human being be so disrespected just because of the gender they are?
I did not march with the Women's March. I have several reasons but it didn't mean that I wasn't there in spirit or prayer. I am still in awe of the number of women globally who participated in the marches. I was humbled to know that there are so many of us who still feel or fear inequality based on gender. Some have lived the equal rights for women before, others have had to fight in their chosen professions to "prove" that women can be as good as men, and our future generations that have only heard stories but don't want to loose the hard fought ground we have earned.
As a woman, and a gay woman at that, I have had to fight several stereotypes. I chose a profession that is predominately women. I was afraid to become a physician because it might interfere with my future family, so I decided to move towards being a nurse practitioner. As I moved through my career, I watched how the female residents/interns were treated by doctors, nurses, and patients. They had to work twice as hard and put in twice as many hours as any of their male counterparts. Some of the best doctors I know are female and many of them do not receive the same compensation/pay as the men. Women are catching up, but there still remains a disparity between pay for men and women.
I don't remember where I read it, but at a women's rally, someone asked the crowd how many of the women had been sexually assaulted; every woman raised her hand. If women were considered equal by men, how can so many of us have been sexually assaulted? I too have been assaulted and my wish was to be big enough to fight the person who did it. I don't want any assumptions, it was not my father or any relatives, it was a son of a family friend. I was very young, but still I was seen as an object, nothing that had value. Even if a woman hasn't been assaulted, I bet she has had unwanted advances, comments, or touches. We women just accept that it is part of our lives; we haven't been shown or treated any other way.
Not to say that it is all bad for women. Most of us have wonderful husbands, fathers, and brothers who treat us well. When we are in partnership with the men in our lives we are able to work towards our strengths. There are differences between women and men and these differences shouldn't be ignored, but they don't make one gender better than the other.
Women are complex creatures! Not only am I one, I am married to one and I am raising two as well. Both my wife and I were not raised to be warrior women. We have both been assaulted sexually, physically, and emotionally. I have to admit, for me, my physical abuse was another woman who was trying to act like a man. I consider myself a "marshmallow" physically and emotionally. Yet, some how we have found a way to raise warrior women.
We both wanted to make sure that our daughters were not raised to be victims. We didn't tell them that if a boy is teasing you its because he likes you. We told them, if a boy is teasing you, he is a jerk. We taught them to demand respectful treatment from all those around them. That boys should treat them well and with respect. Basically, we have empowered our girls to think independently, to be compassionate, to be kind, and to be strong. We haven't done the you can be anything you want, we have said, follow your dreams, follow your heart, be strong, and stay true to you. Being anything you want intones a feeling of I am less than. It implies that there is someone else out there that is better than you. I want so much for them to be able to go through life without having to worry about the gender issues To not be afraid to take risks and follow their dreams. I want them to succeed and be empowered.
I don't know about anyone else, but empowering myself is difficult. Maybe it is because I don't think very highly of myself. Maybe it is because I want to be so much more but don't have the strength to follow through. I get times where I am able to be empowered, but it never lasts very long; usually just a few months. I want to be strong, I want to loose my weight, I want to be a good role model of what a warrior woman is. A warrior woman who has strength physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
How can I be tough without becoming hard and uncaring? How can I be emotionally strong without loosing my passion? How can I be strong spiritually and still function in this world of ours? I don't have answers. I look at places where woman are brave, where they have to fight their cultures that are so ingrained in inequality, and thank God for living in this country with the blessings I do have. Yet, I don't want to rest until the inequality has been banished from the globe. I don't want to settle with what I have because it is better than most. I am a triple minority, a woman, a lesbian, and an LDS. My guess is there are a few others in there too, but these are some of the most prominent.
I know the general public looks as the LDS church and says that they do not treat women as equals. That women are to stay home, have babies, and care for their men. If any of my LDS friends are reading this, I think they are laughing. This is not what the church teaches. I was afraid that was what my girls would be exposed to, but we took a risk and started attending church. Each man that we spoke to and expressed our concern, just laughed. And every one of them said that it is their wives that keep them humble and that they are truly a partnership. The church recognizes that each gender has their own strengths and it plays to those strengths. There is a time during our church where the men go to a priesthood meeting and the women go to Relief Society meeting. I can honestly tell you, I was NOT looking forward to that. I dreaded it, the idea of sitting around with a bunch of women, not my style. I don't like drama or whatever nonsense women concoct, but I felt I needed to give the church a chance. I was so surprised, I loved Relief Society. The LDS women are strong warrior women. They acknowledge that women have strengths and that we are just as important in the church as the men are. Many of these ladies have jobs outside of the home. Yes, some have large families, but not all do. The important thing is family and women have an integral role.
So, let's empower ourselves and the next generation to be warrior women. Let's show people that pussies have claws and that we are not objects or property. Let's show that while individually we can be a one woman army, together we are a force to be reckoned with!
I did not march with the Women's March. I have several reasons but it didn't mean that I wasn't there in spirit or prayer. I am still in awe of the number of women globally who participated in the marches. I was humbled to know that there are so many of us who still feel or fear inequality based on gender. Some have lived the equal rights for women before, others have had to fight in their chosen professions to "prove" that women can be as good as men, and our future generations that have only heard stories but don't want to loose the hard fought ground we have earned.
As a woman, and a gay woman at that, I have had to fight several stereotypes. I chose a profession that is predominately women. I was afraid to become a physician because it might interfere with my future family, so I decided to move towards being a nurse practitioner. As I moved through my career, I watched how the female residents/interns were treated by doctors, nurses, and patients. They had to work twice as hard and put in twice as many hours as any of their male counterparts. Some of the best doctors I know are female and many of them do not receive the same compensation/pay as the men. Women are catching up, but there still remains a disparity between pay for men and women.
I don't remember where I read it, but at a women's rally, someone asked the crowd how many of the women had been sexually assaulted; every woman raised her hand. If women were considered equal by men, how can so many of us have been sexually assaulted? I too have been assaulted and my wish was to be big enough to fight the person who did it. I don't want any assumptions, it was not my father or any relatives, it was a son of a family friend. I was very young, but still I was seen as an object, nothing that had value. Even if a woman hasn't been assaulted, I bet she has had unwanted advances, comments, or touches. We women just accept that it is part of our lives; we haven't been shown or treated any other way.
Not to say that it is all bad for women. Most of us have wonderful husbands, fathers, and brothers who treat us well. When we are in partnership with the men in our lives we are able to work towards our strengths. There are differences between women and men and these differences shouldn't be ignored, but they don't make one gender better than the other.
Women are complex creatures! Not only am I one, I am married to one and I am raising two as well. Both my wife and I were not raised to be warrior women. We have both been assaulted sexually, physically, and emotionally. I have to admit, for me, my physical abuse was another woman who was trying to act like a man. I consider myself a "marshmallow" physically and emotionally. Yet, some how we have found a way to raise warrior women.
We both wanted to make sure that our daughters were not raised to be victims. We didn't tell them that if a boy is teasing you its because he likes you. We told them, if a boy is teasing you, he is a jerk. We taught them to demand respectful treatment from all those around them. That boys should treat them well and with respect. Basically, we have empowered our girls to think independently, to be compassionate, to be kind, and to be strong. We haven't done the you can be anything you want, we have said, follow your dreams, follow your heart, be strong, and stay true to you. Being anything you want intones a feeling of I am less than. It implies that there is someone else out there that is better than you. I want so much for them to be able to go through life without having to worry about the gender issues To not be afraid to take risks and follow their dreams. I want them to succeed and be empowered.
I don't know about anyone else, but empowering myself is difficult. Maybe it is because I don't think very highly of myself. Maybe it is because I want to be so much more but don't have the strength to follow through. I get times where I am able to be empowered, but it never lasts very long; usually just a few months. I want to be strong, I want to loose my weight, I want to be a good role model of what a warrior woman is. A warrior woman who has strength physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
How can I be tough without becoming hard and uncaring? How can I be emotionally strong without loosing my passion? How can I be strong spiritually and still function in this world of ours? I don't have answers. I look at places where woman are brave, where they have to fight their cultures that are so ingrained in inequality, and thank God for living in this country with the blessings I do have. Yet, I don't want to rest until the inequality has been banished from the globe. I don't want to settle with what I have because it is better than most. I am a triple minority, a woman, a lesbian, and an LDS. My guess is there are a few others in there too, but these are some of the most prominent.
I know the general public looks as the LDS church and says that they do not treat women as equals. That women are to stay home, have babies, and care for their men. If any of my LDS friends are reading this, I think they are laughing. This is not what the church teaches. I was afraid that was what my girls would be exposed to, but we took a risk and started attending church. Each man that we spoke to and expressed our concern, just laughed. And every one of them said that it is their wives that keep them humble and that they are truly a partnership. The church recognizes that each gender has their own strengths and it plays to those strengths. There is a time during our church where the men go to a priesthood meeting and the women go to Relief Society meeting. I can honestly tell you, I was NOT looking forward to that. I dreaded it, the idea of sitting around with a bunch of women, not my style. I don't like drama or whatever nonsense women concoct, but I felt I needed to give the church a chance. I was so surprised, I loved Relief Society. The LDS women are strong warrior women. They acknowledge that women have strengths and that we are just as important in the church as the men are. Many of these ladies have jobs outside of the home. Yes, some have large families, but not all do. The important thing is family and women have an integral role.
So, let's empower ourselves and the next generation to be warrior women. Let's show people that pussies have claws and that we are not objects or property. Let's show that while individually we can be a one woman army, together we are a force to be reckoned with!
Monday, January 30, 2017
Fear Not....
Fear Not..... How many times have I heard that statement. There are so many things to be fearful of in this life. So many reasons for doubt and fear. Here are a few that I have encountered in my own life over time:
Loosing a loved through divorce/death/or other means where all hope of regaining love is lost
Finances/economy
Government
Health
Uncertainty of the future
Loosing one's identity
Loss of faith/spirituality
Not "being" good enough
Being something outside of the acceptable "norm"
Being harmed emotionally, physically, sexually, spiritually
Not being able to change/being stuck
These are a few from my life. Those who know me can probably identify events related to some of these. I don't usually see myself as someone who is fearful or anxious. While life in general does produce times of both fear and anxiety, it is not a normal state for me on a day in and day out basis. So why have I been thinking of the phrase, Fear Not, lately?
When I say "lately", it has been since around Christmas 2016. It first came to mind during a lesson at church. The angel said to the shepherds, Fear Not, because the sight of angels inspired fear in the shepherds. Since then, it has been a recurring thought and theme in my life. So again, I ask, why now?
This is not a political blog, but I have to admit, the current POTUS inspires fear. Fear of war, fear of hatred, fear of loved ones being harmed, fear of loosing our humanity. What he has done in the first 8 days of office has been truly terrifying. As a married lesbian, we worry that our marriage will be annulled/stripped away. We worry about our education system for our almost 13 year old twin daughters and what the upcoming educational years will look like. Will there be internment camps for our Muslim brothers and sisters? What about our ethnically diverse population? Will religious freedom be allowed to continue? As a Mormon family, we understand the persecution of our religion in the past and believe strongly that all Americans should practice the religion they wish.
My wife has been very ill for the last year. We haven't been able to find a medication that helps her gastric condition. We are hoping that a medication from Canada will be the help we are looking for. Because of the FDA and how expensive it is to get medications approved, the USA does not carry this medication. In Canada, you can get it w/ a prescription, but it takes 2-4 weeks to get here and that is if US Customs allows the medication to come through. The UK has the medication as over the counter, but it is difficult to find places that will send it to you related to the exchange rates and customs.
My twins are on the brink of being teenagers. They will tell you they are 3, their birthday is 2/29, Leap Day. Some how, my wife and I have raised warrior women. We constantly ask ourselves, how we have managed to raise confident young ladies who are kind, compassionate, smart, and funny. Each girl is their own person and I love them both. I fear for the world they are growing up in. I worry about how their lives will be as they become more and more independent. I know I need to trust my parenting and know that they will be ok, but hey, I'm a Mom :)
I love my job as a Palliative Care RN in the clinic. I worry about making mistakes that will impact someone's life negatively. I get concerned that I may not be the most compassionate, or not listen well enough, that I miss a symptom that could mean the difference between life and death. I want to be the positive face of the company I work for. We do good work, and I see myself as an ambassador to our members. I have only been in this position 6 months, so it is new and unlike any job I've had before.
I need to find a way to take care of myself. My fear of not being around to provide for my family is huge. I always put everyone else first, me second. I have to find a way to work out, to study scripture, to journal, to spend time w/ those that I love. Where do I find the time? Where do I find the energy? Where do I find myself?
BUT.... Fear Not
This is not a religious blog either, but I do want to share this:
This phrase is uses for the first time in Genesis 15:1 in a Vision to Abram, ..."fear not...I am thy shield and thy exceeding great reward."
In the Old Testament, the phrase is used 450 times-King James Bible
In the New Testament, the phrase is used 133 times- King James Bible
In the Book of Mormon, the phrase is used 161 times
In the Torah, the phrase is Al Tira and it is used more than 80 times per Rabbi Sonia Saltzman
I did attempt to see how many times this phrase is used in the Quran, but could not find a reference
Knowing that the first 5 books of the Torah, Bible, and Quran are the same, I believe the above verse is universal
Hinduism and Buddhism both use their teachings to free the mind of fear
So while fear is part of the human condition, our spirits yearn to be fear free. We look for ways to conquer fear and those things that cause us to be fearful. As shown above, many of us look to religion as a way to find comfort and strength in times of fear. Religion provides us with a way to "shore" up our loins and get down and dirty in life. Reminds us that we have a higher purpose and gives us the strength, how ever we define that, to move through our darkness.
We have other examples of how to be "brave" and combat fear. We have historical figures like Mahatma Gandhi (one of my heroes) who fought against British Imperialism in India with non-violence and civil disobedience. Also, in the USA, Martin Luther King Jr. again used non-violence and civil disobedience during the civil rights movement. All the people who helped Jews and those condemned to the concentration camps under the Nazi rule in Europe, and those willing to take the chance of escape. All the men and women who go into combat for their country, regardless of which country. The bravery it takes to face a foe who is intent on killing you because of who you represent is amazing. Are we willing to face that fear for what we believe in?
There are fictional characters that we can turn to. Harry Potter, the boy who from the age of 1 was targeted by the most powerful, evil, wizard, Voldemort. Katniss Everdeen in the Hunger Games, who refused to play by the system rules when she felt the rules were wrong. What about Winston, in George Orwell's 1984. How many times did he have to be reprogrammed? Even Milo, from the Phantom Tollbooth, had to face his fear of new things so he could get out of his hum drum life.
There are characters like Helen Magnus from Sanctuary, who is a kick butt, one woman army, who seeks abnormals to protect them and the human race. Fox Mulder who, on the X-files, took his fear regarding abductions and aliens and made it a personal hunt for his sister. John Nash, in A Beautiful Mind, based on a true story, fought the fear of his schizophrenia and overcame it to become a Nobel Prize winner.
These are just a few examples that come to mind. I am sure there are so many more stories of bravery in the face of fear. We all have it within us to find our brave. It isn't easy. Sometimes we have to dig deep and not give up. We can't let the doubts interfere with our brave. Dieter F. Uchtdorf tells us to "doubt your doubts". I have found this very helpful when I start doubting my own bravery.
SO...be brave...doubt your doubts...and above all FEAR NOT!
Loosing a loved through divorce/death/or other means where all hope of regaining love is lost
Finances/economy
Government
Health
Uncertainty of the future
Loosing one's identity
Loss of faith/spirituality
Not "being" good enough
Being something outside of the acceptable "norm"
Being harmed emotionally, physically, sexually, spiritually
Not being able to change/being stuck
These are a few from my life. Those who know me can probably identify events related to some of these. I don't usually see myself as someone who is fearful or anxious. While life in general does produce times of both fear and anxiety, it is not a normal state for me on a day in and day out basis. So why have I been thinking of the phrase, Fear Not, lately?
When I say "lately", it has been since around Christmas 2016. It first came to mind during a lesson at church. The angel said to the shepherds, Fear Not, because the sight of angels inspired fear in the shepherds. Since then, it has been a recurring thought and theme in my life. So again, I ask, why now?
This is not a political blog, but I have to admit, the current POTUS inspires fear. Fear of war, fear of hatred, fear of loved ones being harmed, fear of loosing our humanity. What he has done in the first 8 days of office has been truly terrifying. As a married lesbian, we worry that our marriage will be annulled/stripped away. We worry about our education system for our almost 13 year old twin daughters and what the upcoming educational years will look like. Will there be internment camps for our Muslim brothers and sisters? What about our ethnically diverse population? Will religious freedom be allowed to continue? As a Mormon family, we understand the persecution of our religion in the past and believe strongly that all Americans should practice the religion they wish.
My wife has been very ill for the last year. We haven't been able to find a medication that helps her gastric condition. We are hoping that a medication from Canada will be the help we are looking for. Because of the FDA and how expensive it is to get medications approved, the USA does not carry this medication. In Canada, you can get it w/ a prescription, but it takes 2-4 weeks to get here and that is if US Customs allows the medication to come through. The UK has the medication as over the counter, but it is difficult to find places that will send it to you related to the exchange rates and customs.
My twins are on the brink of being teenagers. They will tell you they are 3, their birthday is 2/29, Leap Day. Some how, my wife and I have raised warrior women. We constantly ask ourselves, how we have managed to raise confident young ladies who are kind, compassionate, smart, and funny. Each girl is their own person and I love them both. I fear for the world they are growing up in. I worry about how their lives will be as they become more and more independent. I know I need to trust my parenting and know that they will be ok, but hey, I'm a Mom :)
I love my job as a Palliative Care RN in the clinic. I worry about making mistakes that will impact someone's life negatively. I get concerned that I may not be the most compassionate, or not listen well enough, that I miss a symptom that could mean the difference between life and death. I want to be the positive face of the company I work for. We do good work, and I see myself as an ambassador to our members. I have only been in this position 6 months, so it is new and unlike any job I've had before.
I need to find a way to take care of myself. My fear of not being around to provide for my family is huge. I always put everyone else first, me second. I have to find a way to work out, to study scripture, to journal, to spend time w/ those that I love. Where do I find the time? Where do I find the energy? Where do I find myself?
BUT.... Fear Not
This is not a religious blog either, but I do want to share this:
This phrase is uses for the first time in Genesis 15:1 in a Vision to Abram, ..."fear not...I am thy shield and thy exceeding great reward."
In the Old Testament, the phrase is used 450 times-King James Bible
In the New Testament, the phrase is used 133 times- King James Bible
In the Book of Mormon, the phrase is used 161 times
In the Torah, the phrase is Al Tira and it is used more than 80 times per Rabbi Sonia Saltzman
I did attempt to see how many times this phrase is used in the Quran, but could not find a reference
Knowing that the first 5 books of the Torah, Bible, and Quran are the same, I believe the above verse is universal
Hinduism and Buddhism both use their teachings to free the mind of fear
So while fear is part of the human condition, our spirits yearn to be fear free. We look for ways to conquer fear and those things that cause us to be fearful. As shown above, many of us look to religion as a way to find comfort and strength in times of fear. Religion provides us with a way to "shore" up our loins and get down and dirty in life. Reminds us that we have a higher purpose and gives us the strength, how ever we define that, to move through our darkness.
We have other examples of how to be "brave" and combat fear. We have historical figures like Mahatma Gandhi (one of my heroes) who fought against British Imperialism in India with non-violence and civil disobedience. Also, in the USA, Martin Luther King Jr. again used non-violence and civil disobedience during the civil rights movement. All the people who helped Jews and those condemned to the concentration camps under the Nazi rule in Europe, and those willing to take the chance of escape. All the men and women who go into combat for their country, regardless of which country. The bravery it takes to face a foe who is intent on killing you because of who you represent is amazing. Are we willing to face that fear for what we believe in?
There are fictional characters that we can turn to. Harry Potter, the boy who from the age of 1 was targeted by the most powerful, evil, wizard, Voldemort. Katniss Everdeen in the Hunger Games, who refused to play by the system rules when she felt the rules were wrong. What about Winston, in George Orwell's 1984. How many times did he have to be reprogrammed? Even Milo, from the Phantom Tollbooth, had to face his fear of new things so he could get out of his hum drum life.
There are characters like Helen Magnus from Sanctuary, who is a kick butt, one woman army, who seeks abnormals to protect them and the human race. Fox Mulder who, on the X-files, took his fear regarding abductions and aliens and made it a personal hunt for his sister. John Nash, in A Beautiful Mind, based on a true story, fought the fear of his schizophrenia and overcame it to become a Nobel Prize winner.
These are just a few examples that come to mind. I am sure there are so many more stories of bravery in the face of fear. We all have it within us to find our brave. It isn't easy. Sometimes we have to dig deep and not give up. We can't let the doubts interfere with our brave. Dieter F. Uchtdorf tells us to "doubt your doubts". I have found this very helpful when I start doubting my own bravery.
SO...be brave...doubt your doubts...and above all FEAR NOT!
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