Hello Friends! As the name of this blog states, these are the musings that happen in my heart and head. Some of this is to help me clarify things as I move through life. In the last year, it has been brought back to the forefront that women are still not compensated equally as women. There are men who still see women as objects or property; playthings here only for their desires. As our POTUS said, "grab them by the pussy." What gives anyone the right to touch another person without their permission? How can another human being be so disrespected just because of the gender they are?
I did not march with the Women's March. I have several reasons but it didn't mean that I wasn't there in spirit or prayer. I am still in awe of the number of women globally who participated in the marches. I was humbled to know that there are so many of us who still feel or fear inequality based on gender. Some have lived the equal rights for women before, others have had to fight in their chosen professions to "prove" that women can be as good as men, and our future generations that have only heard stories but don't want to loose the hard fought ground we have earned.
As a woman, and a gay woman at that, I have had to fight several stereotypes. I chose a profession that is predominately women. I was afraid to become a physician because it might interfere with my future family, so I decided to move towards being a nurse practitioner. As I moved through my career, I watched how the female residents/interns were treated by doctors, nurses, and patients. They had to work twice as hard and put in twice as many hours as any of their male counterparts. Some of the best doctors I know are female and many of them do not receive the same compensation/pay as the men. Women are catching up, but there still remains a disparity between pay for men and women.
I don't remember where I read it, but at a women's rally, someone asked the crowd how many of the women had been sexually assaulted; every woman raised her hand. If women were considered equal by men, how can so many of us have been sexually assaulted? I too have been assaulted and my wish was to be big enough to fight the person who did it. I don't want any assumptions, it was not my father or any relatives, it was a son of a family friend. I was very young, but still I was seen as an object, nothing that had value. Even if a woman hasn't been assaulted, I bet she has had unwanted advances, comments, or touches. We women just accept that it is part of our lives; we haven't been shown or treated any other way.
Not to say that it is all bad for women. Most of us have wonderful husbands, fathers, and brothers who treat us well. When we are in partnership with the men in our lives we are able to work towards our strengths. There are differences between women and men and these differences shouldn't be ignored, but they don't make one gender better than the other.
Women are complex creatures! Not only am I one, I am married to one and I am raising two as well. Both my wife and I were not raised to be warrior women. We have both been assaulted sexually, physically, and emotionally. I have to admit, for me, my physical abuse was another woman who was trying to act like a man. I consider myself a "marshmallow" physically and emotionally. Yet, some how we have found a way to raise warrior women.
We both wanted to make sure that our daughters were not raised to be victims. We didn't tell them that if a boy is teasing you its because he likes you. We told them, if a boy is teasing you, he is a jerk. We taught them to demand respectful treatment from all those around them. That boys should treat them well and with respect. Basically, we have empowered our girls to think independently, to be compassionate, to be kind, and to be strong. We haven't done the you can be anything you want, we have said, follow your dreams, follow your heart, be strong, and stay true to you. Being anything you want intones a feeling of I am less than. It implies that there is someone else out there that is better than you. I want so much for them to be able to go through life without having to worry about the gender issues To not be afraid to take risks and follow their dreams. I want them to succeed and be empowered.
I don't know about anyone else, but empowering myself is difficult. Maybe it is because I don't think very highly of myself. Maybe it is because I want to be so much more but don't have the strength to follow through. I get times where I am able to be empowered, but it never lasts very long; usually just a few months. I want to be strong, I want to loose my weight, I want to be a good role model of what a warrior woman is. A warrior woman who has strength physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
How can I be tough without becoming hard and uncaring? How can I be emotionally strong without loosing my passion? How can I be strong spiritually and still function in this world of ours? I don't have answers. I look at places where woman are brave, where they have to fight their cultures that are so ingrained in inequality, and thank God for living in this country with the blessings I do have. Yet, I don't want to rest until the inequality has been banished from the globe. I don't want to settle with what I have because it is better than most. I am a triple minority, a woman, a lesbian, and an LDS. My guess is there are a few others in there too, but these are some of the most prominent.
I know the general public looks as the LDS church and says that they do not treat women as equals. That women are to stay home, have babies, and care for their men. If any of my LDS friends are reading this, I think they are laughing. This is not what the church teaches. I was afraid that was what my girls would be exposed to, but we took a risk and started attending church. Each man that we spoke to and expressed our concern, just laughed. And every one of them said that it is their wives that keep them humble and that they are truly a partnership. The church recognizes that each gender has their own strengths and it plays to those strengths. There is a time during our church where the men go to a priesthood meeting and the women go to Relief Society meeting. I can honestly tell you, I was NOT looking forward to that. I dreaded it, the idea of sitting around with a bunch of women, not my style. I don't like drama or whatever nonsense women concoct, but I felt I needed to give the church a chance. I was so surprised, I loved Relief Society. The LDS women are strong warrior women. They acknowledge that women have strengths and that we are just as important in the church as the men are. Many of these ladies have jobs outside of the home. Yes, some have large families, but not all do. The important thing is family and women have an integral role.
So, let's empower ourselves and the next generation to be warrior women. Let's show people that pussies have claws and that we are not objects or property. Let's show that while individually we can be a one woman army, together we are a force to be reckoned with!
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